i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
