I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
