The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
