A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
