He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
