Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I lost the right to judge tonight
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
