i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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