There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
