My first STD was from a foam party
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
