i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
