after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She bit a glass in half.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
false alarm, still single
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
