your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
