Michael Bay diarrhea
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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