Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You pole danced in your parka.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
