In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
