I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
