I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
