Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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