If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
