I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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