STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
