Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
