It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
my poor anus
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
