she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
