I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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