Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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