He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
