ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
