you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
