i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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