I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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