i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
