ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
