You're my little dorito
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
