somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
