I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
