The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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