so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
