GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
