Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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