i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
