sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
