I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
