I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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