I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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