Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
