Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
