There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
