I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
