There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
