apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
