went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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