you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
