i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
